When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
