i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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