Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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