I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
