I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
