why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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