I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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