You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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