WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
