You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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