I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
