My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
