i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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