She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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