Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
