i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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