i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
high people should be assigned attendants
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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