Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
