Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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