This house was built for laser tag.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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