I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
