The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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