I wish my penis had an off switch
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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