You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
