I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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