i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
