sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
