just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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