All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
