Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
