I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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