So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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