the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
