I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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