No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
