coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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