so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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