well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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