You're so nebulous sometimes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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