I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
