Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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