Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We have so much sex to catch up on
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
