i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His hands were made for my vagina.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
