and she was petting her beer can
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
