alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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