it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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