and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
