Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
