My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
