How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i believe in u and ur pee
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
