How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
