i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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