The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
